Some School Jokes
Our teacher talks to herself does yours ?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening !
Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil: I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !
Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.
Pupil: You have my permission !
Teacher: Will you stop looking at the clock at the wall and pay attention
Time will pass, but will you !
I didn't do my homework because I lost my memory
When did this start ?
When did what start !
The brain is a wonderful thing
Why do you say that ?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class !
When I was you age I thought nothing of walking 5 miles to school
I agree, I don't think much of it myself !
Be sure that you go straight home
I can't, I live just round the corner !
Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later !
Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you get detention alone !
A parent has learned...
Some things I've learned from my children over the years...
1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape.
5. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
7. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
8. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
13. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
15. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoe it does not leak-it explodes.
16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
18. Duplos will not.
19. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
20. Super glue is forever.
21. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
22. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
23. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
24. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
25. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
26. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.27. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
28. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
29. The fire department in Austin has at least a 5 minute response time.
30. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
31. It will however make cats dizzy.
32. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
33. Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.
34. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
Have a laugh with me.
A first grade teacher collected some well known proverbs.
She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.
Here are their completions:
Better To Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.
Strike While The... Bug Is Close.
It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of...Termites.
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But... How?
Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.
No News Is... Impossible.
A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.
You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Smell funny in the morning.
Love All, Trust.. Me
The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.
A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's...The Musketeers.
Don't Put Off Until Tomorrow What...you put on to go to bed tonight.
Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You Have To Blow
Your nose.
Children Should Be Seen And Not...Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind...You better get out of the way.
